By Funmi Akingbade
Vengeance is another deadly reason why spouses cheat. This is mostly common among the wives. When some who have being hurt, wounded, abused, and maltreated by their husbands want to hit back, they use cheating as a weapon.
They throw caution to the wind and allow the devil to take the better part of their reasoning. The greatest enemy of love in marriage is an unforgiving spirit. When it comes to forgiveness in marriage, partners should keep on forgiving each other.
An outstanding relationship grows on forgiveness, not perfection. Whatever the offence of your spouse, forgive and never think of revenge. Even though it hurts, forgive; that is the only way you can have inner peace and also save your marriage.
Couples who harbour grudges against each other hardly do anything good together. Lack of forgiveness in a home retards the growth and progress of that marriage. It is in such homes that you see unproductively, hostility, unfruitfulness and barrenness.
In fact, children from such homes are hardly ever happy. Do not keep records of the wrongs done to you by your partner. God can only forgive you when you forgive those who offend you.
The heaviest load any spouse can carry is a grudge. But if you stop nursing grudges, they will surely die. The moment you make up your mind to cheat on your spouse because you think you want to ‘pay back, the devil has gotten the better part of your home and life. He knows the game and plays it smarter than you. When you give him an inch, he would take a mile and help to destroy your home. Do not give him access to your marriage.
When a partner is difficult to please, and he or she is not ready to change, it is bound to affect the disposition of the other partner. For instance, when the attitude of the wife makes the husband to feel inferior, he may embark on cheating.
Also, when the husband makes the woman lose confidence by dressing her down publicly, not respecting or appreciating her efforts, or not noticing her dressing or commending her looks, she may desire to seek attention outside the home and fall prey to any admirer outside.
A hostile environment can cause a spouse to fool around sexually. A home full of quarreling and fighting will push people to cheat. Even children from such homes will prefer to stay out of such an environment.
Outright temptation is one major force for couples messing around. Husbands that cannot wisely and maturely handle the opposite sex most times fall victim of temptation that normally leads to cheating on their wives.
Everybody is being tempted one way or the other, it is left for us as couples to make up our mind either to have, hold and keep our marriage or become a victim in this area. Most times couples will save their marriages if they are sincere about the temptation they face and honestly share them with their partners.
Let your spouse be your best friend and confidant. For instance, if a husband is being unduly chased by a female colleague in the office or a female customer and you notice that she is too close for comfort, let your wife handle her calls, text messages or visits. This will definitely send a signal to her that she is an intruder.
Besides, proudly display your wife’s identity anywhere, anytime. Talk beautifully about her. Let your wife – and not the secretary – follow you to special occasions and introduce her to other people. If you cannot proudly display your wife due to one shortcoming or the other on her side, please upgrade her to your level.
Your marriage is worth fighting for because it’s going to be your security in old age. Beware of undue closeness and friendliness with the opposite sex that could lead to some irresistible temptations, bearing in mind that irrespective of your religious standing, you are still flesh and blood.
This also goes for the wife. She must not be unduly attracted to another man. If you must seduce a man, let it be your husband. Do not fall prey because of flattery by another man. Couples who ignorantly leave their homes undefended, thinking all is well may be playing with fire. Over confidence can lead to marital problems.
It is not only our little ones that go through the pressure of negative influence. The elders experience it too. Some weak-willed partners who cannot take decision without contacting their friends or family members may invariably fall into the hands of bad advisers. They may end up cheating on their partners.
Infertility due to health problems such as low sperm count, sexually transmitted diseases leading to pelvic inflammatory diseases (PID), uterine tumour or growth, ovarian tumour or some infertility-oriented problems where either party is unwilling to wait any longer, cannot be ruled out as a reason for cheating.
Long days, weeks, months and years of separation can also have a negative effect. Distance in relationships or marriage can often open the door to temptation.
Undisciplined spouses with voracious sexual appetite are also a danger. These are the ones who cannot be sexually satisfied by one partner even after marriage; they are more likely cheat. This may not be deliberate because such spouses want to be unfaithful, but because they cannot help themselves.
In this case partners married to such spouses should be very understanding; they should pray for their partner and seek God for their deliverance. Remember prayer can do anything. The most neglected authority of a spouse is their prayer life.
Some sanguine partners can also be weak-willed when it comes to cheating on their partner. Like earlier stated, the other person will be doing a great job by lovingly praying for their partner; prayer makes tremendous things to happen.
Sometimes the marriage might be under a spiritual attack as the devil just wants to destroy the relationship. Whenever you notice unfaithfulness in your partner – that’s not the time to drive them into the hands of a stranger. Rather, help the offending partner, by lovingly restoring him or her back to your marital vow. The two of you have invested so much in the marriage and such investment needs to grow to maturity.
Lying is just as deadly as cheating. Do not blow your spouse’s sin out of proportion. Be there for him or her to overcome the challenge. If well handled, it will soon come to pass. So, keep sowing the best seed into your marriage.
QUESTION ONE
Our sex life is still very clumsy, especially when it comes to changing positions and all that. I am not as interested as I used to be. Is there something we are not doing right?
One of the challenges that married men have to surmount is to decide on what positions to use when engaging in penetrative sex with their spouse. The biggest fears is that their wives will get bored with the ‘same old style,’ and as a result, lose interest in sex. So, the question becomes important: What are the best sexual positions?
To adequately answer these questions, let us first look into the top five mistakes most men make with sexual positions. It is these mistakes that make sex clumsy.
Position mistake 1: Imitating anything seen in a movie. This is probably the biggest reason that many husbands make with sexual positions. Inexperienced husbands think porn is a good model because they see how a lady and a man go about manipulating positions. The fact is that sexual positions in those sorts of movies are meant to display a good scene for viewers, not to maximise pleasure for the actors. Most times, the actors are in severe and unexplainable pains. In fact, one of the worst positions for clitoral and vaginal stimulation is when the woman puts her ankles on your shoulders. With her pelvis bent back that far, she can feel pain in her cervix if you push in too far.
Position mistake 2: Trying too hard to keep your weight off the woman, in any position. To a woman, sex is a way to get closer to her husband. She loves it when he leans on the underside of her thighs. You see, during sex, almost every woman enjoys feeling her man’s body pressed hard against her.
Position mistake 3: Allowing the woman do all the sexual work when she’s on top. For virtually every woman, sex is mostly a passive activity. So, by being the motionless male, you destroy the whole purpose of sex for her.
Position mistake 4: A lot of men have read too many ‘men are from Mars’ type of books and think that women like it if you seek permission for everything, and let the female folk take the lead. Be the alpha male instead and just ‘does it.’
Position mistake 5: Don’t think that the complex and most complicated positions are better. You don’t need to do something crazy. Just be normal. An old standby like the missionary (man on top, woman lying on her back) can be the best sexual position. Risky positions are just frustrating for everybody and often kill the mood.
QUESTION TWO
I always experience premature ejaculation and it takes about twenty minutes for me to be ready to go again. Please, what can I do?
Well, I think you need to first and foremost practice Master and Johnson procedure and later, Kegel exercise. Make sure that you eat the right kind of food and don’t engage in any stressful exercise. Also, visit your doctor for medical check-up.
QUESTION THREE
I have a wife who isn’t adventurous when it comes to sex. In fact, she is a weakling in bed. I love sex, but she doesn’t. My major grouse with her is persistent complaints of pain during sexual intercourse. I first thought it might be because of the size of my manhood, but a neighbour that I discussed the issue with told me that the problem is peculiar to some women. I am having serious temptation to sleep with other women that are willing rather than dying in silence.
I don’t know if you have taken time to really explain your feelings to her. If so, I would love to know if you do not skip foreplay, because a wife can’t be the best sex partner without through foreplay. In addition, how do you treat her when sex is not on the agenda? A wife you treat in a nice way will be more cooperative in this area. How about taking her for a trip and spoiling her with affection? Most wives love that, and it is a gateway to the type of sex you long for.
Sometimes, the complaint she gives may be a genuine one. Why not visit the family doctor with her and let her undergo some test to know if all is well. In some instances, circumcision may be the reason for the pain. But the size of your penis had nothing to do with the pain because the head of the baby that passes through the vagina is bigger than the biggest penis.
